Uncategorized

A Pirate’s Love by Johanna Lindsey

Mass Market Paperback, 384 pages
724994
Original Title A Pirate’s Love
Edition Language English
Summary : 
With languid tropical breezes caressing her breathtakingly beautiful face, Bettina Verlaine stood before the mast, sailing westward to fulfill a promise her heart never made–marriage to a Count her eyes had never beheld. Then in a moment of swashbuckling courage, the pirate Tristan swept her away and the spell of his passion was cast over her heart forever. But many days–and fiery nights–must pass before their love could flower into that fragile blossom a woman gives to only one man

 

Harini’s Version of A Pirate’s Love :

Scene 1 Bettina : Heya ! I’m Bettina ! I’m so sad my father doesn’t love me , ya know ? He sent me away to a convent at such a young age ! *whines *

*Enter the father and mother *

Father : I’ve got someone for ya to marry . Pack soon and I’ll ship you off right away

Mother : ….

*walks out Bettina *

Bettina : They are planning to pack me and send me away to a man I’ve never seen . And ya know , that doesn’t BOTHER ME AT ALL . I’m a girl , I’m supposed to be packed off , right ??

*Enters the servant *

Servant : Ah , so they told you finally , eh ?

Bettina : You knew ? YOU FREAKIN’ KNEW ? Why didn’t you tell me ?

Servant : *shrugs * you would have found out anyway .

* Enters the mother *

Mother : Oh my ever beautiful daughter !

Harini : oh get on with it *rolls eyes *

Mother : *looks Harini’s way * Oh shut up ! * turns back * Oh my lovely lovely daughter ! I want you to know a huge secret !

Bettina : *wide eyes * HUGE ? Tell me now !

Mother : Ah..it’s just that ..ya know , your father isn’t really your father . The real father’s a sailor who never came back for me . I used to screw him after I got married because my husband was a real douche bag !

Bettina : *gasps * Oh really ? How ROMANTIC

Mother : Oh yeah . That was the best part of my life ! So , here’s the lesson . If you don’t love your hubby boy , just screw someone else ! That’s completely alright , ya know .

Harini : umm..what sort of mother are you ? Like seriously , woman ?

Bettina & Mother : *turn to glare at Harini *

Bettina : Oh , mother ! That’s the most wonderful advise I’ve ever got . I’m so happy you didn’t stay faithful !

*Walks out the mother *

Bettina : Oh my god , I’m a bastard ! Isn’t that the most wonderful thing ever ! *happy dance *

Harini : ….

Scene 2

After a hella lot of drama about going away from home

Bettina : Oh my ! Isn’t sea the most wonderful thing !

Captain whoever : Oh my pretty pretty lady ! Stay away from the eyes of the lusty crew ! Nobody knows what will happen to a gorgeous lady when on a ship full of men !

Harini : *rolls eyes *

captain walks away

Bettina : Oh , I don’t care what he says ! I’mma go out and do as I please !

A man no one cares for : Oh , yeah , pretty thing ! *catches her *

Bettina : *screams her head off *

Captain : Oh , You ! *shouts at his crew to whip the man then *

Bettina : Oh , no , don’t ! Why do you whip him ? Oh , no , stop !

*runs away *

Harini : *sighs and follows Bettina *

Scene 3

* The ship Bettina is on is captured for who the hell cares reason and then…

Tristan : Gotcha ! Now , take your clothes off so I can rape ya !

Bettina : Bah ! Don’t do that !

Tristan : Alright , let’s strike a deal , hun ? Let me rape ya and I’ll let the prisoners live ! That’s a hell of a deal right ?

Harini : *murderous glare* you ..!

Bettina : *ignores Harini * Oh , alright . I get to see what the ‘after marriage ‘ fuse is about sooner , right ?

After the crap happens

Bettina : Oh , yeah , we did it, hun ? Now , set them free ! I demand it !

Tristan : Urgh..yeah I’ll do it !

* Exits Tristan *

*Enters the servant *

Servant : Oh my lady ! How’s ya ?

Harini : Erm..aren’t you a captive ? How the heck are you here ?

Servant : Oh , ya know , they appointed me as their cook .

Harini : WTH ??

Bettina : Oh , ignore her . She doesn’t matter . But the important thing is he raped me

Harini :…You sold yourself ..??

Bettina : *glares at poor Harini * I would never ever ever steep so low ! I did the most honourable thing , my maid ! I gave my virtue away to save the lives of prisoners !

Servant : Prisoners ? What prisoners , girlie ??

Bettina : *waves * ah , the prisoners from our ship ofcourse . Who else would I save , silly woman . Go ask where they are and if they’re set free yet !

* Servant says there’s no prisoners after a while *

Bettina : Oh , how dare he ! I disliked him at first , but I hate him because he lied to me ! I’mma kill him !

Harini : …

*Enters Tristan , the great *

Bettina : *attacks *

Tristan : *faints *

*A load of crap*

Tristan : Lol . Now ya know what would happen if ya try to kill me , eh ? How cool’s that ?

Bettina : Oh , how I hate you ! Stay away from me !

Tristan : That’s not gonna happen , my dear little one ! I’ll whip you if you resist ! I hate forcing and I don’t wanna do it . But I can’t stay away from ya , right ?

Harini : You bloody rapist !

Bettina : *shivers seeing the flog * I’ll do it . But I’ll scream and cry and curse you !

Tristan : *chuckles because THAT is funny * Get used to it , honey . I’mma do it every day !

Scene 3

* A load of senseless lies and a failed escape attempt later *

Bettina : Oh , you ! You were supposed to take me to my would be ! You said you’ll do it . Don’t you have honour ?

Harini : You might wanna think of the fact that he attacked a freakin’ ship because someone told him of your BEAUTY ! He kidnapped ya , raped ..and honour … :3

Tristan : Shut up , Harini . Oh , and my dear Betty , I’m not done with you ! I’ll be keeping you around for a while , don’t you worry .

Bettina : I’ll run away !

*Bettina , the idiot actually manages to escape ! And another load of crap later *

Bettina : Oh , isn’t it nice to meet my fiance finally !

Fiance : Um..yeah , that . Temme , did that guy rape ya ?

Bettina : Oh yeah ! He raped me everyday ! And I’m not even blushing while of speaking about it ! That’s something , right ?

Fiance : Oh..I’m not gonna marry you now ! Be my mistress , honey . That’s the best thing I can offer for a ….

Bettina : *gasps in outrage * You..you ! You’re honourless too!!

Fiance : Lol , let’s speak of it later . But your dad’s dead lol . And your mother’s here . Tell you a secret ? I wanna get rid of her soon so I can make you my mistress !

*Bettina and Mother get kidnapped some time later by Tristan *

Mother : Oh ,my ! Bettina , that man’s handsome . You’ve got yourself a nice fella , huh ?

Bettina : …He raped me , MOTHER !

Mother : Oh , never mind . He looks like a guy who cares

Harini : WTH

Tristan : Yo new lady , get out please ! I’mma have some fun with your daughter here

Mother : Oh sure . Have fun !

Scene who the hell cares

*Another load of useless pointless episodes later*

Bettina : Oh my hero ! *hugs him *

Tristan : Now that I got you back , let’s get married !

Bettina : Oh , no . You don’t have to do it ! We can just live the way we are . And I just don’t care that our child will be called a BASTARD !

Tristan : I love you , you dumb girl . I’mma marry you now ! So shut up and have a HEA with me now !

Bettina : *with tears of HAPPINESS ” Oh , yes , mon amour ! That’s what I’d been waiting for !

____________________________________________________________

Honestly , I just can’t , my people ! Seriously definitely absolutely , I just can’t ! Bettina was so dumb I felt like patting myself on the head because I was so intelligent . Who would want to read this ? I have loved a few JL romances in the past and I’m not even sure JL was the one who wrote this thing ! This isn’t even romance…it’s some sort of creepy thing that should be classified under a genre for it’s own !

Sorry for swearing so much . I’m not much of a swearer but I just couldn’t help it with this book

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s